I admit it...I am a neat freak. There is a certain order in our home and everyday life that needs to be maintained to avoid me going crazy, I follow a certain routine of work and if that routine gets broken, I panic. For minor disruptions, I have learned to cope; for major ones however, like unannounced visits from nephews and nieces (especially the bratty ones)...DISASTER!
I have not been able to blog as much lately because I encountered a major backlog in my routine as a result of a DISASTROUS weekend where we had guests, one group even stayed overnight and it was my son's diagnostic exam at school the Monday after that. I was already having some trouble before that because of piling laundry due to a series of rainy days, my son having colds off and on (a prelude to asthma), hubby coming home late because of terrible traffic and having to work on a very tight budget. Having guests staying for the weekend was one thing I did not need that time as I certainly felt I already needed a breather. Anyway, I survived that weekend but was in a very bad mood the week entire week after because I had to work double time on everything especially in reviewing my son for his exams. My son and I even had this moment when I was feeling really overwhelmed and frustrated with the topics we still needed to cover and he said, "Bakit sila (referring to his cousins), parang di sila nag-eexam?! Hindi ba sila nag-aaral?" Yeah right, I even asked that to myself. With the frequency of my niece and nephew coming over, it felt they had no school at all. I was not able to answer my son's question. It was okay for him I guess since he did not pry the question on me again.
Yesterday, my sister-in-law texted me if I could do her a favor. I read her text 5 hours after before actually getting it because I was all over the house, no time to check my phone. I went on a shutdown mode after reading her text. It was as if my brain was having difficulty processing the information. I also felt a sense of panic and then my brain starting flooding with "What ifs." At that very time, it was so hard to me to provide a reply that I did not reply at all. I was in a situation. I was already swamped up with tasks given that its my son's preliminaries. Yeah, my son has exams again, and surely my niece and nephew won't have exams until August. I could not get my fingers to type "No I could not and will not be able to do you a favor." Instead, I texted my husband to provide an answer better than "no," but certainly not "yes" for me. The panic was not over after that. I lingered on that text until bedtime...that is how affected I could be on certain things, especially the ones I turn down or fail to do. Another concern hovered in my mind until waking time, will my nephew and niece be here again this weekend? I HOPE NOT! I carried this in my subconscious that I had nightmares in my sleep. If only I could post a sign on my forehead hat says, no visitors allowed...Mommy already turning into a monster.
People may think my being a stay-at-home mom means that I sit around all day painting my fingers, having a facial or plucking my eyebrows. If you'd see me in person, you'd know immediately I do not have time for these things. I also have no time sitting around not doing anything as there is always something that needs to be done at home. With all the chores to be done I also have to squeeze some time to snuggle and frolick around with my child, make him his favorite snacks or treats, assemble his Tomica highway and play with him, and yes...allow my mind to vent out my thoughts through blogging. Today I am blogging because I certainly needed to just sit down and type away my thoughts.
Inhale. Exhale.
Its a week-end again. Dan...dan...dan...dandandandandan (JAWS). I seem to have developed a weekend-o-phobia.
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